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[personal profile] missingopossum
I'm trying to get a feel for which parts of my anxiety / depression are caused by what, and actually getting somewhere with it

The main division I draw is between anxiety or depression episodes that have a "real" component and those that do not. By "real", I mean episodes that can be clearly traced to a given stimulus or event that might actually be expected to provoke a negative response. The knack with these is in trying to keep my response "proportionate" and avoid falling deeper down the rabbit-hole of stress than the stimulus warrants. These episodes can be hard work - it's relatively easy for me to bear in mind that losing my glasses does not warrant tears and having the anxiety dial switched up to 11 but much harder to separate "inappropriate" responses after hard words or job interviews or such like. I'm gradually starting to get a feel for this, though.

It's the other main division that I've been having problems with lately, the times when blackness settles with no obvious stimulus. And I am delighted that I've not only pinned one of these down but that it's easily fixable too. I live in Scotland and that's a *lot* closer to the Arctic Circle than the Equator; the shortest day here is less than seven hours between sunrise and sunset and weatherwise it's a rare day when that equates to seven hours of sunlight! I know that lack of daylight affects my mood, unsurprisingly - but the issue I've just pinned down is the interaction between the short days and being short of food and blood sugar. I know I get snappy and grumpy when I need to eat but since the days have started to shorten I've found that I've been having amazingly black episodes where *nothing is right and nothing will ever be right.* Things have actually been going pretty well in my life, so I know this had to be firmly in the second category not the first. And in short, I really do not want to be short on food when it gets dark. I am incredibly pleased at having been able to figure this out.

There is a subdivision that I haven't touched on here and that is certain things or events which spark off an absolutely unreasoning terror in advance of encountering them; I think of these things as being phobic but that is my term rather than a formal diagnosis. Progress is also being made here, but that's another post for another day, I think.


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Missing Opossum

April 2012

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